human interest

May 6, 2017

With everything in life going on, I had a moment of excitement today.  I don’t know why I haven’t heard about this before but was ecstatic about hearing it today. I am on the email list of Kristy Bromberg, author of the Driven series.  She announced the other day that the Driven series has been picked up to become a three part movie. The interesting part was the launching of a new Netflix like company called PassionFlix. This new company is coming out in September 2017 and only showing romantic movies, some of which they are creating based on some of today’s best loved romantic authors.  I became a founding member of this site and now can’t wait for September to arrive.

If you love romance novels and haven’t heard of them yet, check it out:

https://www.passionflix.com/

Congratulations Joany, Tosca & Jina!  What a fantastic idea and I wish you nothing but the best.  I so wish I’d thought of this idea….

LaneyD

human interest

Things my mother never did.

Hey, Extra Dry Martini. I’d love to meet you for one some day. Your bravery in telling this story publicly brings tears to my eyes. It is so hard to take the most influential woman in our lives off the pedestal, especially after she dies, and truly recognize her weaknesses and the impact her weaknesses have had on us. Hope life is going well for you with the unfortunate knowledge you now carry.

human interest · life

May 5, 2017

You know how I said my thoughts vary from light to deep?…to be real, today my thought’s are a bit deeper – a bit darker.  The sister of a good friend is dying, much before her time.  She could be gone any minute now.  I’m very sad for this woman and the parts of her life that will forever remain unlived.  I’m just as sad for my friend and her family who have never experienced a death this close to them.  For those of us who have gone through it – that first death that truly shifts your world – we feel even more for those close to us when they go through it for the first time, knowing what they’re in for – the forever change to their lives – the moment they realize they’re not safe from loss and that level of hurt.  When we’ve not only lost someone we love but we’ve lost someone who loves us.  When we realize the people we love the most in the world can be taken from us in an instant and we have absolutely no control, power to change it or ability to avoid the pain, for our loved one or for ourselves.  The moment we have to reflect that we, ourselves, are also not immune and could be gone in a second.

As well as all those feelings, we’re also all re-triggered every time that someone else has this first experience and remember our own firsts.  We remember all the details, feelings, reactions – we remember acutely again the person or people we lost and our feelings of helplessness and devastation.  I guess, in some ways, its an honour to those we’ve lost that their situations to us will feel current again, no matter how many years have past.

Then there’s the struggle of how to move on.  After 12 years that my mom’s been gone, I still have feelings of guilt if catch myself in a happy moment.  How can I be happy when my mom died – she DIED!  Does that make her unimportant if I move on?  Does that mean her life really didn’t mean anything?  Does that mean, when I die, people may grieve but then move on?  Holy crap…we all like to think we’re a little more important than that.  We’re all egocentric enough to believe that those we love couldn’t possibly go on without us.  We’re also unselfish enough to want them to go on and be happy without us.  But, that’s the complication of our human life.  The one thing we all know – we will die.  So, what’s the purpose of life?  Why do we do what we do?  Why to we battle to overcome struggles? Why do we try so hard to figure out how to live this life in a way that has some kind of meaning?  If we know the inevitable conclusion, what’s the point?

My answer to that question is simple:  none of us know.  We don’t know the point or the purpose to having a limited time as a human on this planet.  None of us know what really happens when we die and leave this human form.  Where does that leave us?  Just doing the best that we can – that’s it, that’s all.  We all go forward making good and bad choices and living whatever lives we’re leading on a day to day basis.  No matter who we are, we sometimes have inspirations to make personal change if we don’t like our world or ourselves, but other times we just continue to go forward, doing the same thing day by day, appreciating the moments of happiness when we have them.

I  wonder sometimes how someone that’s dying can get to the point of acceptance.  When you really think about it, don’t we all live all the time knowing we’re going to die?  The only real difference is knowing the when.  People always debate about whether it would be better to be gone suddenly or whether they’d want time.  I think, for the person dying, it’s better to be sudden.  I don’t want to know the end of my story.  I don’t ever look at the last page of a book before I read it.  I want the story to unfold and when the end comes, it comes.  However, for the loved ones left behind, it’s the opposite.  We want that time to adjust, accept, take care of things left undone.  To be honest, I haven’t had the experience of a sudden death with anyone very close to me.  I have observed the impact of a sudden death and the only difference I see is the initial extremity of the trauma.  There’s really nothing else different.  In my mind, I’m seeing a curve graph – a death that happens over time, the trauma is stretched over a longer, lower curve – a sudden death, you see an extreme peak.  In either case, the curve after the death is the same.

Where will my thoughts be tomorrow?  Who knows?  I guess it depends what the day brings.  Talk to you then!

LaneyD

Uncategorized

May 4, 2017

May the force be with you….

What does that even reference? Not a sci-fi fan, not even close.  Heard this phrase a few times today so I get to repeat it.  P.S. If you’re not getting it, May 4th!

Let me introduce myself (in the typical cocktail party way – the meaningful stuff you’ll learn if you keep reading this blog today and in the future).  I am a mom, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, friend.  I’m mom to two teenage boys, wife to a man for 21 years, older sister in a family of two female children (I identify as a white privileged heterosexual female – so does my sister as far as everything she’s told me).  My sister and I are best friends.  Took us a lot to get to this point – again, stay tuned.  My mom’s gone – most devastating loss I’ve had to face – for 13 years.  My Dad, who was the scary one when I was growing up, has become the only one in my life where I truly know that love for me is unconditional.  I have a 9 year old niece by blood and four nieces and nephews through marriage.  I don’t feel old enough but I also have three great nieces and nephews through my husband’s family.  I have a mother-in-law I love dearly -she’s the one you see if you look up “grandma” in the dictionary.  We lost my father-in-law about 10 years ago and Grandma has had her own issues with grief after losing a husband after 50 years of marriage but then being diagnosed with cancer.  We also lost my husband’s brother about 5 years ago.  Just to add to life perspective, about 6 months ago, we also lost our Nana at the age of 96.  We miss her dearly but can’t be truly sad because she was so ready to leave this world – it was so hard for her to be still in a world where she’d lost the majority of her family and friends.

So. who am I?  Why would anyone be interested in reading anything I have to say?  I really don’t know.  What I do know is I want to write – this may be just my journal and that’s okay.  But, I also know my thoughts tend to be intriguing to people in my life.  I spend lots of time in my thoughts.  Just who I am.  I think, based on my thoughts, I’m not mainstream.  But, at this stage in my life, I also don’t think I’m alone in my thoughts.  My thoughts – they’re sometimes just random – other times, they’re deep – deeper than a lot of people want to go.  I’m not interested in the people who don’t want to go there with me.  I’m interested in the people who want to agree or, even better, want to challenge my thinking.  Cause, guess what?, challenging my thinking only makes me think more!  I adjust my life as a result and that’s what keeps me human and growing.  I will 100% say, I know that’s not how alot/most of the world works, but that’s me.  So, if you happen to read any part of this blog, take me on (or Take On Me! – that’ll show your age).  Challenge my thinking or agree with me.  This now is about my learning so say whatever you want.

I’ll give some samples that show the variety of my thoughts and the level of them (those close to me have heard these ones):

  • Kind of light.  Sitting outside one day, I was watching the Canadian Geese.  I’m sure you’ve all heard the story of how they stick together and fly in the “V”.  When one gets tired, another takes its place.  They also will never leave a goose behind.  They mate for life so if one goes down, the mate will stay until the one either dies or is okay to rejoin the group.  My thought, however, raising two children, do the geese fight in the morning?  When they wake up, does one complain about needing to get up, does another worry about breakfast, is there another that thinks what’s wrong with these geese, are there ones that wonder if they look okay, are there some that were out too late last night?  Birds are amazing creatures.  The fact that they do what they do is amazing in itself but what do they think?  How human-like are they?
  • A little deeper.  When did sex become a private thing?  No matter what you believe about how human kind was created, at some point, mating was not something that happened behind closed doors and under the covers.  We still see animals, birds, reptiles mate out in the open.  What happened that made sex with humans private?  And, yes, there’s people out there that are quite open, more so than society in general, but that’s my point.  The majority of people, no matter culture, country, religion – it’s mostly behind closed doors.  What prompted that change?
  • Deep.  When did faith become about organized religion?  More specifically, when did the sustainability of the church become more important than the belief in the higher power?  How do the organized faithful accept the wrongs that are done to their believers by the ones who are supposedly guiding?

 

My true passions are books and music.  I don’t consider myself to be an artist but I love the arts of literature and music.  I truly appreciate any musician or author that has the guts and glory to pursue their passion.  I may not like their songs or their stories but I always appreciate their bravery for putting themselves out there.

I’m obsessive.  There’s no other way of saying it.  If something or someone catches my interest, I will learn every detail about who they are, their motivation, their history, the players.  There’s been many, usually artists, but my newest obession is NFL football.  I will sometimes choose to be ignorant but once I decide I need to know something about something, nothing stops me. I will become the expert.

If any of this is of interest to you, stay tuned!